Preparation for the Sonora Christmas Festival is in full swing here at the Honey&Ollie Secret Mountain Lair. I am a little bit panicked because I’m pretty sure I haven’t made enough inventory for what is reportedly a Big Damn Show. The show runs Friday, Saturday and Sunday of this week and I believe that there is a small admission fee to get in to the Fairgrounds.
We have to set up for the show on Thursday morning, so we’re having our “just the highlights” turkey dinner on Wednesday. At least, that’s what I thought we were having. We had agreed that we were doing just a few of our favorite things, a mere nod to Thanksgiving. A “Skip the Turkey” nod to Thanksgiving. And yet, somehow, our nod to Thanksgiving has since morphed to include the turkey, gravy, potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberry, stuffing and not one but three kinds of pie.
I’m not sure what happened to my cunning plan. My, We Are Not Cooking Thanksgiving Dinner This Year Because Big Show Is Big And I Have To Prepare, Set Up, And Also Have A Panic Attack In My Studio on Thursday, plan.
I blame my mom because she’s the one who is insisting on lugging a turkey up the mountain tomorrow.
Me, two months ago: “Mom, don’t order a turkey. We’re just gonna cook a turkey breast or something.”
Mom, every week since two months ago: “Are you sure you don’t want me to order a turkey?”
Me, every week since then: “No Mom, I’ll buy a turkey breast and maybe a thigh.”
Mom: “Because, I could just order a turkey.”
Me: “Mom, really, I don’t want to cook a big meal, we’ll just do a breast.”
Mom: “How about I buy a thigh and a leg and the wings and the breast??”
Me: “Somehow I feel that you are missing my point.”
My mom: “HALF A TURKEY.”
Me, sighing: “Fine. Ok. Half a !@# turkey.”
Mom, a week later: “The butcher won’t sell me half a turkey.”
Me, burying face in palms, smacking head against dining room table: “Ok, how about I just get us a turkey breast.”
Mom, triumphantly: “I BOUGHT A TURKEY!! IT IS A CUTE TURKEY. 8 lbs of TURKEY! IT IS SO SMALL IT IS NOT TURKEY LIKE AT ALL THEREFORE I HAVE NOT VIOLATED THE TERMS OF OUR ACCORD.”
Me, giving up: “Fine. FINE! OK. Fine. We can cook the turkey. I’ll order a pie, we can make a small pan of stuffing and THAT IS IT.”
Me: “Ok. OK. Gravy. You can make gravy.
Me, later: “Actually I would like to whip up a small batch of sweet potatoes.”
Mom: “YAY SLIPPERY SLOPE! WINNING!”
Mom, later: “Also I got a bag of these little Yukon potatoes. Just to toss in with the turkey.”
Me: “Giving up now.”
Mom: “Happy Dance Of Holiday Triumph.”
I think that the next time we have a parley to agree on “just the highlights” I am going to get her to write down what the actual highlights are. And then I will engage a notary. Because between you and me? The list of “Thanksgiving highlights” keeps getting longer. I’m all, “Yo I thought we, like, came to an accord?” and Mom is all, “THE PIRATE’S THANKSGIVING CODE IS MORE LIKE A SET OF LOOSE GUIDELINES!”
I give up. Just hand me that pie plate, will you?
I probably won’t get back online before the holiday, so I am giving you your Black Friday Weekend Holy Cow There’s PIE! ShoppaPalooza Holiday Goodie a few days early. Just use the coupon code OLLIEFREE when you check out on our Etsy store – it’s good until Sunday night – and it will give you free domestic shipping.
Oh and hey, speaking of our NOT-Etsy store? It is now totally integrated with our Honey&Ollie Facebook page! Just click the green shopping bag under “Apps” on the left side of our page. Now you can totally surf the endless scroll and order earrings at the same time. WINNING! Unfortunately I haven’t figured out coupons there yet, so if you want the free shipping, you have to go to Etsy.
Happy Thanksgiving from the cats, the Captain, and me. We all have a lot to be thankful for this year. Not the least of which is all of y’all who have been so supportive of H&O this year. I throw you air kisses! MUAH!!