1. In addition to your wallet and cell phone, you can generally easily find extra safety pins, zip ties, a #1 spring clamp and an “emergency” pair of pliers in your purse.
2. You own a dolly with all terrain tires.
3. Your car boot has a 2A:10BC fire extinguisher (recently serviced and tagged), at least 6 burlap wrapped Pepsi liter bottles full of rocks or cat sand, duct tape, a spool of heavy twine, extra burlap and a package of extra tent stakes in it at all times.
4. You can fix anything, and I do mean anything, with twine, a zip tie or a spring clamp. At least, long enough to hold up until Sunday at 5pm. If there isn’t a strong and gusty wind.
5. While you really prefer “period” wooden boxes, you know that just about anything can be used as a table riser, in a pinch.
6. You have at least two bins of extra fitted table cloths, lengths of muslin, linen, assorted Celtic Indian cotton print bedspreads and remnant bits of “pretty” fabric to drape over and hide a multitude of sins. Like, that piece of “anything” you just used as a table riser because it was a pinch.
6. Heavy twine = “Elizabethan Duct Tape.”
7. You’ve spent at least $100 this season on those heavy canvas painter’s tarps from Lowe’s. So versatile…
8. You have two different costume collections. >>1. A set of costumes that you have to wear for those Faires that have strict costuming guidelines and enforce them. These are probably earth-toned, involve steel boning, and about 35 lbs of fabric. Invariably, you have to put them on when it’s going to be 100+ degrees outside and you’re feeling bloated. The only good thing about them is the big straw sun hat you have to wear, that’s actually kind of handy. >> 2. The costumes that you’re actually happy to wear, when you are doing the Faires that let you get away with anything you want. Yay purple! Turquoise! Steampunk! Goggles! Wings! Glitter! Fancy hair flowers with feathers! Because you are a pretty, pretty princess.
9. Fairies are real. You see them at work every day!
10. Yes, you did spend $250 on the fancy brocade, fringed money/pocket belt to hold your Square and cell phone, and after an hour spent arguing with your accountant about it, you can still see no good reason why the IRS won’t let you deduct it. It’s for work.
11. Costume pieces – machine washable vs. artisan made hand dyed silk flutter fringes? It’s a very real and painful conflict.
12. But, why won’t the IRS let me deduct a pair of $700 custom made 7 button faire boots? They’re for work!
13. You can tuck, knot and roll any configuration of any costume and successfully use a port-a-potty without incident, accidental dipping or any unfortunate outcome. After drinking mead all day from the local meadery that’s three booths down. You can’t make change without a calculator after all that mead, but you can pee without incident.
14. Your “emergency first aid kit for shows” includes a jar of dill pickles.
15. You are always really happy when you see that one guy who brings the crepes and gyro booth down from Portland. He makes the good coffee. All day. On site. You can live on his gyros for 2 days without a problem, unlike the teriyaki chicken two booths down. Did I mention, the good coffee?
16. If you never eat another $5 stick full of teriyaki chicken again…
17. You have a bin devoted to “seasonal” plastic flower garlands and ribbon arrangements so that your booth decor matches spring fertility festivals OR harvest festivals, and you know when spring and fall arrangements go 50% off at Joanne’s.
18. You see nothing at all unusual about bowing to the Queen as she swans by, waving at some fairies, and then calling out, “Hey Captain America! Nice boots!” within the same 5 minute span.
19. Beagle in a pirate suit? Bearded dragon with tiny resin wings? Kitty in a fairy costume? You’ve seen it all. In fact, their owners routinely bring them by to say hello.
Got more? I’d love to hear ’em!