Crazy Aunt Purl’s No Spend blog posts have been pretty inspiring to me. The recent posts on not spending on “nonessentials” in particular, after college tuition, books, high school uniforms and other unexpected expenses wiped out my emergency fund in one fell swoop and left me flailing and unable to buy groceries or cat food for a week.
Living on stale novelty pasta from the back of the pantry and dessicated artichoke hearts from the freezer is a good incentive to Better Financial Thinking.
In that spirit, I’ve been trying not to spend any money on “nonessentials” myself. Now, anyone who has ever lived with a teenage girl knows that there is no such thing as a “nonessential” item, so can probably see one of my problems right up front. Desired items are usually described, couched in such terms as to make you think that if the teenage girl doesn’t get the item in question, they might immediately expire of starvation/blood poisoning/unfairness/bad hair, and this description gets faster and faster and the pitch gets higher and higher until usually you just pony up the ATM card in desperation so that you can get a little peace and quiet. And avoid someone dying.
In other words, it was easier to say “no” when they were three. At three, you could put them in time out and shut the door. And at three, they had not yet discovered the devastatingly effective tactic of dramatically rolling their eyes at you. In the mall. In front of the clerk. Who is only too happy to assist by looking at you pointedly in agreement, thereby implying that you’re the World’s Stingiest Mum.
I am not going to make this work without a system, some clear definitions, and A Cunning Master Plan.
The first things to define, of course, what is nonessential? What is essential? Where to cut back? I’m really struggling with this discussion, but rather than sink into despair while I eat what I think were once multicolored Easter Rabbits with pesto, I am trying to use the opportunity to re-evaluate my priorities and fuel some positive and long term change. I think a lot of families are probably in this same position right now.
I do think it is possible. I do think we can do it, all of us, at least those of us who are feeling the need. Our parents and grandparents weathered the Great Depression, after all, and while we’ve blown off all their frugal good habits and become accustomed to instant gratification, we can always take a step back. We can always learn. Change, in a positive vein, is always an option.
We can illuminate our own rocky shores if we choose to.
...a homeschooling, unjobbing mama and modern day Mrs. Lovett. Knitter. Cat lady. Artist. Tattooed and irreverent, with a twist. My purpose on this earth is to bring a little inspiration and delight to all of y'all. Life is amazing! Grace is everywhere. Let me show you...
I fully agree with you.. its almost not a choice at this point about getting ones financial priorities in order. I also think that “I’m trying to live simply” sounds way nicer than.. “I can’t afford anything extravagant anyway.. so rice and beans for dinner it IS!”. I’m also hoping that my son will grow up to appreciate the things he has because he is not just given his every whim… I also am VERY lucky that my son is 7 and not 13, because I think I might have bigger problems with our budget.
Course I’m being snarky and sarcastic – I blame it on the head cold I contracted from having to visit my sons school on Tuesday at the crack of dawn for a meeting.
I am remembering my own struggle through library school – the book and tuition quarterly wipe out – although I was working full time and didn’t have children or teenagers, only loud cats to contend with.
My father has never quite forgiven me for not living through the great depression so I have heard quite a bit about it. I believe that the major difference is that then people survived by group effort – helping each other out. Something like that.
Most of us today seem to be managing in more isolated circumstances. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Not to interfere, of course, but methinks it’s time to suggest part-time, Christmas-season, or summer jobs. One’s attitude to money changes vastly when you’re the one that is earning it.
That’s what my Mom did when I was about 15 and complaining that I couldn’t buy the clothes I wanted. The part I enjoyed was that Mom no longer came clothes shopping with me.
My desire for new clothes on a budget also forced me to learn to sew.
I should also say while I’m sorry to hear that things have been hard, I’m glad that you’re handling it with such equanimity. It IS easy to let non-essentials become “essentials”. Sometimes a step back is necessary.
Now that I finally have the chance to become solvent again, I find I’m not really interested in “splashing out” just because I can.
The Chinese proverb “When prosperity comes do not use all of it.” keeps going through my head.
Geo, that’s a really good proverb!
That is a *very* good proverb. We are extremely fortunate still (so far — two words I plan to mentally tack on to the end of every sentence, especially the ones that start “we are extremely fortunate”) to have jobs, a house, and 401k plans, even if the latter are all of a sudden mere shadows of their former selves. (When I said I needed to lose weight this was not what I had in mind.)
We are trying to be a bit more prudent. I did go to Rhinebeck this year, but in the vehicle with the much better gas mileage, and staying one night instead of two. We are trying to cut back on the eating out. This is hard to do given the novelty of suddenly having a built-in babysitter, but we are doing our best. (We pay her a family rate $5 an hour, which is half price, and this seems to be having the desired effect of making her see that iTouch as within reach, but requiring an awful lot of work. We do still front her the cash to go to things like school socials.)
Re your comment earlier, according to the latest polls Obama is now ahead in Indiana and Georgia, as well as in all the Kerry states plus Florida, Ohio, Colorado, New Mexico, Iowa and Virginia. I understand he has an extremely good security detail and a lawyer lined up for every polling place — all right, maybe not *every* one, but an awful lot of them, especially where the local officials are eeeeevil, er, GOP. He’s fully aware of what’s at stake here and how it could slip away. I plan to see if they need any help in New Hampshire on election day and the weekend before — there’s very little point in expending any effort here in Massachusetts. One does what one can do. We’ve given money to both the Obama campaign and the anti-Prop 8 folk.