Honey and Ollie

You know, I’m kind of pissed off about the Chris Brown/Rihanna thing, but maybe not for the reasons you’d think.

When I was 5 months pregnant with my oldest, her bio dad (NOT the ex Mr. Honey and Ollie) got mad one night and slapped me around, then choked me almost into unconsciousness. He probably wouldn’t have stopped, but the person we were living with heard the altercation and called 911. It was not the first time. It was, sadly, not the last, but I take personal responsibility for that part.

I ended up in the hospital that night and they had to keep me for observation to make sure the baby was ok.

In the end, he received 3 months of “anger management” classes which ended up being little more than a bunch of agro jerks sitting around justifying their behavior to one another. He also got 6 months of probation. That’s IT. All. Everything. It was JUST a misdemeanor. Nobody cared.

When I was sitting in my house, after the assault, pregnant, bleeding, bruised and so terrified that I was going to lose the baby that I could not stop hyperventilating, one of the paramedics rolled his eyes and said, “This shit is a waste of our time.” meaning… me and what I’d just experienced.

“This shit.”

Me.

My baby.

Nice. Because that will encourage women to come forward and press charges against their abusers, right?

All the people who are bitching because Chris Brown “only” got 5 years of probation AND and 52 weeks of domestic violence classes AND public community service, who are saying that it isn’t ENOUGH? PUHlease. Reality time, kids. He received a very harsh sentence compared to what most abusers get. He got this sentence because the media picked up the case and people paid attention, because Rihanna is a pop star and everyone was horrified that it could happen to her “too.”

If he’d been an ordinary angry white man beating the shit out of his 20 year old pregnant girlfriend badly enough to hospitalize her? He’d have received a perfunctory fingershake from the judge. At best.

Ask me how I know.

If you want to get angry, get angry about what happens in DV cases when CNN isn’t following every development. Because that’s the crime. So yeah, I’m sick of Chris Brown and Rihanna. Where was CNN for the thousands of DV cases that have been in the courts since the Brown/Rihanna thing happened? Why aren’t we asking what all those guys received by way of punishment? Why isn’t that being beaten to death in the blogosphere? Whatever they got, I bet you Brown got worse. And that’s not fair.

Hold on, before you flame me, ok? When I say it isn’t fair, I am not defending Brown’s actions. I think it was reprehensible what he did, and I’m glad he is being held acountable. I think that his sentence was appropriate. I’m quite sure that some abusers do merit prison time. I’m simply not convinced it was necessary in this case and obviously neither was the judge. I genuinely hope that 52 weeks of DV classes will be what Brown needs to get his head out of his ass and start to mend whatever it is that is broken enough to make him think that abusing women is acceptable.

What isn’t fair is that others have not received equivalent punishments. It isn’t fair that others have gotten off more easily than Brown. People are getting angry about this for all the wrong reasons. Let’s see if CNN will move on to the next case in the court docket. Let’s see if they report about what that guy gets. I bet you they don’t. Let’s see if people care? I bet you they won’t, because it isn’t a pop star, just some poor ordinary woman who got hurt.

I actually think the Brown sentencing has potentially raised the bar, and that’s a good thing.