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Posts Tagged ‘failure’

A year or two ago, I took a couple of e-courses on running a jewelry business and since one of the perks is lifetime access, I’m re-doing the financial/business course this month.

I am hoping I can stay on board long enough to get the information that will be helpful to me, this time around. Last time I really sabotaged myself and there was a lot of ego in the way. I didn’t want to hear a lot of what they had to say about what I was doing wrong – or if not wrong, at least inefficiently. So really, the question is not, “Can this course help me.” but rather it is, “Can I get out of my own way long enough to let it help me?”

I guess we’ll see.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about blocks and fear and why it is scary to succeed. How we sabotage ourselves and get in our own way. For example, I had a tremendously successful Celtic Faire this March and came to the realization that we were going to do really well at Ren Faires and that type of event. You wanna talk Dream Clients? Those are my people. I signed up for ALL THE FAIRES. Then we had booth issues, canvas issues, a bum knee… all this crappy life stuff that came up to get in the way of me being able to actually get to the Faires.

What is that about, anyway? Did I manifest that? Create that? Did I just go along with the suggestion that it was impossible, because I am secretly afraid of actually getting the awesome life I say I want?

Is that part of what happened at Crafted?

What is so scary about making it, anyway?

If the last few years have shown me anything, they’ve shown me that if I really want something, then I’ve got to work hard and actually sacrifice for it. Maybe that’s the missing piece right there. Sacrifice. I’ve never really wanted to give something up to have something else. All about the power of “and” over here. But I am coming to think you can’t get there from here without it. Without being tired and giving stuff up and working hard and paying dues. Don’t get me wrong. I work hard. I do. But… maybe I’m not quite working hard the right way. Maybe I’m spinning my wheels in the sand and making a hole, rather than gaining traction in my field.

There will always be hurdles and blocks. There will always be something in the way. There will always be a reason to dismiss something helpful or “yeah but” all of the wisdom that comes my way because I don’t like how it is worded or presented. There will always be some external very good reason why it isn’t my fault.

The big question is, what am I going to do with all that?

I’ll let you know how it goes.

What are your super-limiting core beliefs? Have you ever thought about that? What do you do to challenge them?

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Last Day

So yesterday we loaded up the remaining inventory, took Ozma off the wall and turned off the lights for the last time in booth 116. We will go back to get all the packed up things out of the booth at some point, but really, this was it.

Yesterday might have been one of the harder days I’ve had, really. It was right up there with the day that The Ex Mr. Honey&Ollie moved out. Right up there with bad breakups and lost jobs.

So this morning has started off with a bit of, “Well what am I going to do now?” There are orders to get out, of course, and things that need to be done, and frankly, I just can’t get arsed to care. The last thing I want to do is walk in to my studio this morning.

Hell, even my usual round of reading blogs/art inspiration/Pinterest is distressing. Looking about at blogs and art and things that other people are doing just seems to point up all the things I’m not great at or don’t know how to do. It’s all coming together and generating this perfect storm of feelings of failure, which is not really why I go around looking at art and blogs in general. Inspiration should not inspire one to greater depths of despair! But maybe today is not the day to look at everybody else’s highlights reel.

Some mornings you really just want to curl up under a blanket and put a pillow on your head. And this is one of them. This morning, about all I can say is that I am not going to curl up in a fetal position and put my head under a pillow. And that’s about the best I’ve got.

I think that, today, I’m just going to take it minute by minute. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be up to hours. And then I’ll be in Kansas where everything will be new and alien and I’ll be worried about thunderstorms and the possibility of a tornado picking up the house we’re staying in and dropping it on a witch. And me without ruby slippers. We timed this trip on purpose, so it would give me no time to stew about failures and skillsets I don’t have yet and the horrible looming question of “What Am I Going To DOOOOO?” which seems like it should be settled by now, at the ripe age of 42.

Perhaps today, however, the best I can do is avoid all the blogs and all the talent and all the highlights. Today it’s just me and some cats, and later on Captain Sexypants will come by and we’ll watch a movie, and it’ll be what it is. Minute by minute.

it’s good to do your best, whatever that looks like.

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A few weeks ago, I spent a little (okay, a lot) of money that I didn’t have, and submitted my application to the Renegade Holiday Craft Fair here in LA. This is a huge show – Renegade has shows from coast to coast in almost every major US city. Getting accepted would have been huge for Honey&Ollie in terms of exposure and in terms of my projected holiday sales. Just huge. I wasn’t exactly counting chickens, but I was mentally preparing myself to go jump into something big.

Going in, I knew that I wasn’t ready for Renegade, but I knew I could step up and be ready by the time it rolled around. I was excited about the challenge and put some things in motion to help myself get there. Again, forward momentum, building steam, I’d already started doing all that stuff even before I got accepted. Maybe a little counting chickens? I just wanted to be ready.

When I sent in my application, I told myself that even if I didn’t get in, the important thing was that I applied, that I was here doing this, that a lot of people don’t get in their first time applying or their second, or even after they’ve actually done the show once or twice… blah blah blah… well that’s all still totally true. It is. And… it’s still just darn disappointing to have them say, “No. Sorry. You are not renegade enough for our awesome DIY mecca of a show.”

So here is the million dollar question, was not being accepted, being judged and found wanting, was that a failure? I don’t know. I keep going back and forth on that one. I suspect that “failure” vs “success” in this instance is really all about how it is framed. No I didn’t get in. That feels like failing. But just the act of applying propelled me forward into new territory with my business and it got me to start thinking about myself and my abilities in a new way. I went from the idea that I could do small local shows because that is what I was “ready” for, to absolutely believing that I seriously could step up and do a huge national show with the potential for multiple thousands of dollars in sales. It got me making different, bigger, business decisions for Honey&Ollie. All of that stuff I put into motion is still in motion. It will still work for me. That feels positive and successful.

I have my ideas about why Renegade didn’t pick me. One huge reason boils down to “craft show math” – X jewelry vendors / Y spots = Z jewelry vendors not getting spots. There are other factors that I suspect came into play for me personally not getting that coveted spot. These are all things I will be addressing before I make future applications to this show. And believe me, I will be applying. There are at least 3 Renegade shows on this coast every year. I plan to be knocking at the door to them all until they let me come play. I may only play once and decide it’s not for me or not the right venue, or I may fit perfectly and want to come play every year. I have no idea how that will go. But I’ll find out, eventually, because I’m not going away until they let me on that field at least once.

This failure was a disappointment. But the simple act of trying has changed the playing field for me, forever. It has changed the scope of what I know I can accomplish.

I guess what I’m saying is, don’t be afraid to fall on your face or have people tell you no. There’s a lot of good that can come out of “no.” It’s okay to make a hot cocoa with whiskey and extra whipped cream and drink that and cry on the cat and bitch to your friends for a few hours after you get the “no.” You may need to do that. I did. But when you’re done with that? Get back up, dry off the cat, flip the jury committee the bird, and keep going.

Just get back up and get in there again. Don’t give up. You are braver and mightier and able to do more than you can imagine.

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